Parenting in the animal kingdom seems to come quite naturally and instinctively. Early parenting, which involves loving, holding and feeding has an instinctive aspect to it, but as the years go on, and each child's personality emerges, parenting becomes more of an art.
In my experience personally and with clients, a positive parenting experience involves the following.
Early childhood allows for many opportunities to share play and activities with your child: legos, cooking, athletics, pretend, games... Forming a positive relationship with your child which involves giving time and energy, creates a sense of trust and safety. Continue to find new ways as they grow older: camping, mountain biking, scouting...
If your child comes home discussing a difficult day at school, don't try to "fix it". Allow him/her to express their feelings. After all, often a parent who has a difficult day may just want to vent with their partner about it. Your child wants the same thing.
Maybe there is no TV until homework is done. What information does your child need to give you about where they are going and when they will return? Be clear about your expectations.
To the latency (6 - 10) and young tween, it can seem forever until they are able to make their own decisions. In a safe neighborhood, for instance, give them an additional block per year that they can bicycle on. Give them a project to do at home. Give your child an allowance that grows with their age, and let him/her decide how it is to be spent.
There can never be too much appreciation in a family!
There are times, however, when despite your best efforts, due to other circumstances, parenting has become a puzzle. When that happens, it is important to consult a trusted advisor or counselor.
I do counsel parents to assist them in their parenting and utilize community referrals when useful.
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