Kate McDonald, LCSW

Mothering

Mothering is a particular area of interest to me since mothers help to create and form the culture through parenting and community connections. I am a mother myself of an 11 year old boy.

In the 11 years I have been a mother, much time has been spent with other mothers in the context of play groups, playdates, school and neighborhood contacts as well as in my practice.

Through this involvement I have noticed similar themes coming from mothers' experiences, whether a woman works outside the home or not:

1. A mother's work is truly never done
2. Mothering can feel isolating, particularly as children get older
3. It is difficult for many women to prioritize their own needs
4. Frequently, after childbirth (or adoption), a woman's desires and goals in the world change
5. Many women choose to redefine their outside work in a new way when they become mothers
6. For many, being a mom takes on primary focus over work outside the home

At first, in the early baby and toddler years, parenting is physically all consuming. Once one's child (children) enter school, more space is created to ponder the above issues and new issues arise. Who am I now? How do I define myself now? What will I do? What do I want?

Sometimes childrens' needs are not met in a specific school and those mothers find much of their time consumed by dealing with their child's situation or looking for schools for their child. Some may choose to homeschool. For all of these moms, there is often little time for self-reflection and re-energizing.

Mothers are often busy helping others. Mothers' groups allow women space to focus on themselves, to get and receive support for their lives and evaluate changes in work and personal goals. Being listened to helps to learn of and value needs and goals. Often life takes on greater clarity when self space is created and women become happier and better moms and workers.

I have found that a group format sometimes helps women with this area most effectively. Within a group context I utilize group verbal sharing, movement and Qi-Gong, meditation, writing and collage to assist each woman to understand her desires and goals and to help her develop deeper self-understanding and new goals.

Individual counseling is also available and can be useful if there are particular areas needing deeper examination and exploration.

When I first became a mom, a friend of mine gave me a little book for my first Mother's Day about animal moms. While I can no longer locate the book, I still remember one quote:

Once you are a mom, your heart forever travels outside of you