As we move through our lives, sometimes it becomes evident that we are repeating the same pattern over and over again. Have you ever watched a gerbil in a cage, going around and around on its wheel, yet never getting anywhere? For many people, this is how their lives can start to feel. While it may be enjoyable to use a tread mill for exercise, it is not very enjoyable to experience one's life as a repeating event.
Maybe it is the second or third marriage or relationship--or after the third or fourth change of residence, it comes into our mind that we are repeating the same mistake over and over again, and yet we cannot consciously see how to avoid the mistake the next time on the "gerbil wheel." We had hoped all our problems could be solved by changing relationships or residences, yet the same problems seem to "ooze" up in a strange way over and over again.
This point is usually where individuals or couples enter therapy. It becomes very important to identify the pattern of behavior or thought that is furthering the futile "gerbil" repetition of the same mistakes.
I help clients identify these problem areas, through finding where in the past these behaviors and attitudes became rooted. This doesn't mean we must "blame" our families for everything. It does mean we need to look at the generational patterns of behavior and attitudes that have been passed down unawarely in our families. When we can identify and work with problem areas that stem from our background, there exists the choice to change them.
We never become "different people' in therapy; we become more deeply who we really are, without the past hurts and discouragements. We can learn to take pride in the heritage of our families and carry this legacy forward without the "tarnish" of unaware and unsuccessful patterns of behavior.
Family of origin work is not short term therapy: but the rewards are far-reaching for those who choose to take the hero's or heroine's journey into their past. While we often times find our "hubris", we also find the "holy grail" of our deepest self.
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