The word "co-dependency" has been often over used and is confusing to many people. Many wonder, "What's wrong with helping someone else?" The answer is: of course, there is nothing wrong with helping someone as long as you really want to.
When clients coming to see me have difficulty understanding co-dependency, I tell them the "co-dependent joke":
One day a woman is riding her bright sports car on mountain roads. She just goes to change the tape in her car cassette and misses a turn. Her car plunges off the cliff. As she is falling to her certain death, the life of her husband flashes before her eyes....Co-dependency is really an addiction to a person(s). It is the act of making someone else the center of our thoughts and behavior instead of ourselves. Some of the behaviors which result from this fixation are trying to be in control or get the person to do something we want them to do. Another behavior is making excuses for the person.
An example of co-dependency would be having someone hit us and instead of responding with our feelings--making excuses for them: "He just had a bad day. I know he will never do it again."
Another example of co-dependency would be a man going through the cupboards daily, to make sure he has found and thrown out the bottles of his alcoholic wife.
When we focus on another person to the exclusion of our own thoughts, feeling and needs, we too can become sick physically and/or mentally.
To maintain health as a human being it is important to pay attention on a regular basis to our thoughts, feelings and needs. When we do care for our own needs, the truth is we have more to give everyone else.
So if you see yourself as the woman in the above joke, it is time to seek help! That is right, no matter how "messed up" the other people around you seem, in order to maintain your health and well-being it is important you seek help for yourself. Together we can evaluate your life and develop a plan to help you do more than just survive and to help you find a life with freedom and love that isn't overly entangled in the thoughts, feelings and problems of others.
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